Advice for Family and Friends
What can we do?
It can be very difficult for family and friends to know how to help their loved one who is suffering from mental illness. The best thing that you can do is show understanding and remember that it is - as the name states - a illness. It is not your loved ones fault that they are feeling the way they do, they cannot help it and desperately want to be free from it. Remember recovery is often a very slow and gradual process. Help your loved one to take one step at a time and walk with them on thier road to recovery.
Below are some advice and tips that may be helpful… as a sufferer of mental illness myself, these are the things that people did for me - that helped me so much - and I will always be grateful to my friends, family and loved ones for everything they have done and continue to do for me
Below are some advice and tips that may be helpful… as a sufferer of mental illness myself, these are the things that people did for me - that helped me so much - and I will always be grateful to my friends, family and loved ones for everything they have done and continue to do for me
Tips from me to you...
1. Be Aware...
Find out as much information as you can about the condition so that you can gain a greater understanding of what your loved one is going through. This will help considerably, as then your loved one will not have to try and explain their condition as well as have to try and deal with what they are going through
2. Be Understanding...
I know it may sound like a good idea to say things like ‘snap out of it’ ‘stop being negative’ ‘be more positive’ ‘pull yourself together’ etc and I know the intention is to encourage your loved one, but in actual fact this will make them feel worse. A mntal illness is not something that they can just ‘snap out’ of, (trust me – if they could, they would!) Also criticising them for being ‘so negative’ is not helpful as the sufferer knows they are being negative, but they cannot help it…after all negativity and low mood is often a symptom of some mental illnessness such as depression and GAD! Think of it like this...it’s a bit like telling a person with flu to stop blowing their nose…they can’t, because a runny nose is simply a symptom of the flu! The best thing to do, is to understand for your loved one, and just as you would treat someone with flu or any other illness with extra TLC, do the same for your loved one who is suffering from a mental illness.
Just Listen...
Just listen. Sounds simpler than it is! Sometimes, because you want to help your loved one so much, you may listen to their problems and then try and come up with a solution. I know you are trying to help, but often all your loved one wants to do is to let off some steam and just have someone listen to how they are feeling. They are not looking for answers or solutions, just a listening ear and maybe a reassuring hug!
4. Remind them You Care...
Remember that your loved one may be feeling like a burden on you, they may be feeling guilty that they cannot make you happy and that they are depressed all the time. They may feel bad about dragging you down and thinking that you are better off without them. They are not pushing you away, they love you so much that it pains them to see you suffering as a result of their illness and feel like they are responsible for everything. Reassure your loved one that no matter what, you love them and that you will be by their side though good times and bad. Remind them that it’s not all bad and that there are still so many good things about them! Remind them that they are special to you and that they still make you happy even though they may feel sad. Let them know how much they mean to you and how special they are. Their self esteem will be very low (another symptom of mny mental illnessess) so these reassurances will go along way in helping your loved ones to rebuild their sense of self worth.
5. Take Time Out!
Take time out for yourself! I know you may want to be there all the time for your loved one, but you cannot care for them well, if you do not look after yourself as well! Caring for a loved one who is suffering from mental illness can be immensely draining and you will need time out to have a break from it all. This is not being selfish, so don’t feel guilty about taking the time out to do something that you enjoy, e.g. seeing your friends, going out, etc. The break will help to refresh you and then you will be able to help your loved one so much more. Remember it’s ok to sometimes feel frustrated, angry or low yourself. This is a normal reaction to what is a very distressing situation. Don’t feel bad or guilty for feeling this way. You are only human and you need a break too. Take time out to recharge your batteries and be refreshed both for your loved one and yourself. If you need to, remind your loved one that it is not them that you are frustrated at - but the situation
6. Show Support....
Attend doctor/counsellor appointments with your loved one if they want you to be there with them, although you may feel like you cant do much to help, your very presence there with them is reassuring and reminds them that you care
7. Take Action...
If your loved one is talking about taking their own lives, take this very seriously. This is not a cry for attention, they are seriously contemplating suicidal thoughts and in their vulnerable condition it is something that may well carry out. If possible stay with them and do not leave them by themselves until they have calmed down and begun to see reason again. If you cannot physically be there with them, then try and keep them on the phone or maintain some sort of contact. Remind of them of all the good things that are still left in their lives, help them to see that there is still hope and still a future ahead. If necessary, call the emergency services and get outside help. Your loved one may be angry at you at first for doing so, but will thank you later when they realise you have saved their lives
8. Seek professional help
Sometimes a loved one may be in denial of their condition. Many people feel ashamed to admit they are suffering from depression or any other mental illness. Being aware of depression and the symptoms can help you recognise when your loved one is affected and to seek the help that they need. If they refuse to seek help, you can contact the websites featured at the bottom of this page for advice or you can go directly to the doctor and ask for a home assessment for your loved one. If your loved one is deemed to be a danger to themselves or others they can be detained under section 2 of the mental health act and given help either with their consent or without. Again your loved one may be initially angry at you for doing this, but you may well have saved their lives and will they will one day thank you for taking action
9. Join support groups
It may be helpful to encourage your loved one to join a support group or online forum. There are several support groups available, who meet in person, online, over the phone…there is a whole community out there who can support your loved one, people who have gone through or are still going through a similar experiences, who your loved one can relate to and not feel alone.
10. Dont take things personally
If your loved one lashes out at you, try not to take it personally. At the depths of my depression and GAD, I took my frustration out on those closest and dearest to me, not because of anything they did, but because I didn’t have anyone else to vent my feelings out on. I always felt terribly guilty afterwards, but found it so hard to keep the frustration and anger I felt at the situation inside. I needed a release and unfortunately those closest to me got the full fury of my wrath! As hard as it is, try and understand for your loved one, they are not themselves at the moment, they have been gripped by this horrible condition and are just trying to find a way to realise the anguish and turmoil that is building up inside. It may be helpful to try and separate the person from the symptoms, and remember that underneath it all, the person you once knew and loved is still there…they just need help to get better from the illness which is affecting them so much.
The best thing you can do is simply be there for them. You may feel like you can't do much to help - but just knowing that someone is there often means so much to the sufferer
The best thing you can do is simply be there for them. You may feel like you can't do much to help - but just knowing that someone is there often means so much to the sufferer
More Information
http://www.crossroads.org.uk - a webiste to suport carers. (care for carers)
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/DG_071391
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/DG_071391