Clinical Depression
Just Sad...Or is it More?
Depression is another mental illness I have really struggled with for many years. Combined with my severe anxiety problems, my depression was ruthless and completely destroyed and broke me. I became a shadow of my old self… somebody that I didn’t recognise… or like. I tried endlessly to overcome the depression and reclaim my life, but it overwhelmed and consumed me and I felt like there was no hope left for me and reason to go on living…
I would like to share with you my experiences of depression and how I eventually after many many years began to regain my life and find the hope and happiness that I thought I had lost forever. I hope that somehow what I have been through may help you in some small way….
I would like to share with you my experiences of depression and how I eventually after many many years began to regain my life and find the hope and happiness that I thought I had lost forever. I hope that somehow what I have been through may help you in some small way….
Drowning in Pain...
Before I was hit by crippling depression, I used to think that being depressed was just when I was having a really bad day or feeling down because something unpleasant had happened. I used to use the word ‘depressed’ flippantly and used it to describe my occasional down days. But when I experienced real clinical depression for the first time, it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Depression is not something to be joked about or said flippantly, it is a serious mental illness that can be life threatening.
Many people who have experienced life threatening illnesses such as cancer have said that having clinical depression is much worse. Why? Because although physical conditions like cancer is a brokenness of the body, and can destroy life, depression is a brokenness of the mind and can lead to a person taking their own life as the suffering caused by this mental illness is so painful to bear. Can you imagine a pain so intense that it causes you to want to leave behind all your loved ones and everything that is precious to you because you so badly want to escape the terrible suffering you feel? Someone once described it as ‘I may look okay on the outside…but inside I’m screaming…’ That’s the thing with mental illnesses like depression, on the outside the person may look perfectly normal, but inside is a completely different story and the turmoil inside that they feel indescribable.
When I was at the darkest and lowest points of my depression, I couldn’t find the words to adequately describe the overwhelming anguish and turmoil I felt inside. I felt like I was drowning and struggling to just keep my head above water. Everyday was a struggle and I used to dread waking up in the morning, wishing every night that God would take my life away whilst I slept. I felt so alone and believed that my suffering would never end until the day my life ended. I was in a dark place where I could see not even a glimmer of hope and I can honestly say going through clinical depression was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.
Many people who have experienced life threatening illnesses such as cancer have said that having clinical depression is much worse. Why? Because although physical conditions like cancer is a brokenness of the body, and can destroy life, depression is a brokenness of the mind and can lead to a person taking their own life as the suffering caused by this mental illness is so painful to bear. Can you imagine a pain so intense that it causes you to want to leave behind all your loved ones and everything that is precious to you because you so badly want to escape the terrible suffering you feel? Someone once described it as ‘I may look okay on the outside…but inside I’m screaming…’ That’s the thing with mental illnesses like depression, on the outside the person may look perfectly normal, but inside is a completely different story and the turmoil inside that they feel indescribable.
When I was at the darkest and lowest points of my depression, I couldn’t find the words to adequately describe the overwhelming anguish and turmoil I felt inside. I felt like I was drowning and struggling to just keep my head above water. Everyday was a struggle and I used to dread waking up in the morning, wishing every night that God would take my life away whilst I slept. I felt so alone and believed that my suffering would never end until the day my life ended. I was in a dark place where I could see not even a glimmer of hope and I can honestly say going through clinical depression was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.
Weak?
Depression affects approximately 1 in 10 people and can happen to anyone at anytime. This mental illness can vary from mild to severe clinical depression. People who have never suffered from severe depression themselves may find it difficult to understand how it feels to suffer from this condition. People with depression may be wrongly judged as ‘weak’ ‘self ‘pitying’ and ‘negative.’ This could not be further from the truth! People with depression are so strong to be able to endure the intense anguish that are inflicted upon them day after day relentlessly with no rest or respite. Despite their inner turmoil, they try their best to get the day and function as normally as they can, desperately trying so hard not to let their families, friends and loved ones down.
In the depths of my depression, I felt like a burden to my family and believed that they would be better off without me. I felt like my constant distress was causing them to become like me…sad, upset, withdrawn and desperately unhappy. I so badly wanted to be able to ‘snap out of it’ and ‘pull myself together’ like everyone kept telling me to, but no matter how hard I tried, the depression kept pulling me down and destroying myself and everything around me.
In the depths of my depression, I felt like a burden to my family and believed that they would be better off without me. I felt like my constant distress was causing them to become like me…sad, upset, withdrawn and desperately unhappy. I so badly wanted to be able to ‘snap out of it’ and ‘pull myself together’ like everyone kept telling me to, but no matter how hard I tried, the depression kept pulling me down and destroying myself and everything around me.
Depression can affect a sufferer’s life and consume every aspect of their being. Depression can rob a person’s ability to function normally throughout their day to day lives and can have a significant impact on a person’s, personal, social and everyday wellbeing. Relationships, work life, social life, home life can all be destroyed by the effects of depression.
At the depths of my depression, I felt like my life was being slowly sucked away from me by this horrible illness…everything I loved and valued was slowly being taken away from me bit by bit. This worsened by depressive state and I sank even further into depression. The illness had such a strong grip on me and my life that I felt that I could never be free again. But recovery is possible, even though it may not fell like it can happen. I reached rock bottom and thought I could never even start to get back up. But here I am today, enjoying life again and happy. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with depression, but now I have control over it – instead of letting it take control over me. It is a long process and doesn’t happen over night…just like climbing a mountain takes many many steps and a bucket load of determination, the healing process from a illness like depression is also slow but gradual.
At the depths of my depression, I felt like my life was being slowly sucked away from me by this horrible illness…everything I loved and valued was slowly being taken away from me bit by bit. This worsened by depressive state and I sank even further into depression. The illness had such a strong grip on me and my life that I felt that I could never be free again. But recovery is possible, even though it may not fell like it can happen. I reached rock bottom and thought I could never even start to get back up. But here I am today, enjoying life again and happy. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with depression, but now I have control over it – instead of letting it take control over me. It is a long process and doesn’t happen over night…just like climbing a mountain takes many many steps and a bucket load of determination, the healing process from a illness like depression is also slow but gradual.
Who and Why?
Depression is a complex condition that can be triggered by several factors. This will vary from person to person, as we are all individual with unique experiences, personalities and genes that will determine whether we may be more prone to become affected by depression.
For some people, genes will play a crucial role in whether or not they are susceptible to depression. Some peoples genetic make up mean that they have an imbalance of certain chemicals which can cause them to suffer from depression despite there being no obvious outward trigger for their distress. This may be difficult to understand from an outside point of view, as the sufferer may appear to have an idyllic life and there seems to be no reason for them to be depressed.
People may incorrectly assume that the sufferer is just ungrateful and negative whereas this is not at all true! The sufferer cannot control the chemicals in their body which is causing the depressive symptoms just as much as a person cannot control a bodily action such as a sneeze or a cough. That is why sometimes people who seem to ‘have it all’ can also be so unhappy…all the money and luxuries in the world cannot compensate for a healthy body and mind. If your depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, medication such as anti depressants can help to rebalance the body and help the sufferer to regain some stability. Just like a person with diabetes needs a regular does of insulin to readdress the glucose their imbalance, people with depression may need medication to realign the chemicals which are causing havoc in the sufferers mind and body.
For others, depression may be triggered after a major stressful/ traumatic experience or after a long period of stress. For some, depression can be set off by personality trait’s, i.e. people who are naturally more sensitive and anxious than most can be more like to develop depressive illness.
For some people, genes will play a crucial role in whether or not they are susceptible to depression. Some peoples genetic make up mean that they have an imbalance of certain chemicals which can cause them to suffer from depression despite there being no obvious outward trigger for their distress. This may be difficult to understand from an outside point of view, as the sufferer may appear to have an idyllic life and there seems to be no reason for them to be depressed.
People may incorrectly assume that the sufferer is just ungrateful and negative whereas this is not at all true! The sufferer cannot control the chemicals in their body which is causing the depressive symptoms just as much as a person cannot control a bodily action such as a sneeze or a cough. That is why sometimes people who seem to ‘have it all’ can also be so unhappy…all the money and luxuries in the world cannot compensate for a healthy body and mind. If your depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, medication such as anti depressants can help to rebalance the body and help the sufferer to regain some stability. Just like a person with diabetes needs a regular does of insulin to readdress the glucose their imbalance, people with depression may need medication to realign the chemicals which are causing havoc in the sufferers mind and body.
For others, depression may be triggered after a major stressful/ traumatic experience or after a long period of stress. For some, depression can be set off by personality trait’s, i.e. people who are naturally more sensitive and anxious than most can be more like to develop depressive illness.
Symptoms of Depression
- continuous low mood or sadness
- feelings of hopelessness
- a heavy feeling that is like carrying a heavy burden
- anxiety, feelings of dread and impending doom
- lack of motivation
- little interest in things you used to enjoy
- low self-esteem low self worth and self loathing
- tearfulness and a inability to control emotions
- feelings of guilt
- feeling irritable of others
- indecisiveness
- suicidal thoughts or self harm
- feelings of numbness and detached from the world
- feelings of hopelessness
- a heavy feeling that is like carrying a heavy burden
- anxiety, feelings of dread and impending doom
- lack of motivation
- little interest in things you used to enjoy
- low self-esteem low self worth and self loathing
- tearfulness and a inability to control emotions
- feelings of guilt
- feeling irritable of others
- indecisiveness
- suicidal thoughts or self harm
- feelings of numbness and detached from the world
Physical Symptoms Include
- extreme fatigue
- slowed movement or speech
- change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased)
- constipation or other digestive discomfort
- unexplained aches and pains
- decreased libido (sex drive)
- changes to the menstrual cycle
- disturbed sleep patterns
- headaches and dizzy spells
- feeling unable to carry out everyday tasks
Diagnosis
If you are unsure if you are suffering from depression, visit your GP and s/he will be able to assess your symptoms and give you a diagnosis. Don’t be afraid to seek help. It is not a sin of weakness. Just like with any other illness, depression needs to be treated for recovery to begin. Ignoring the problem and hoping it will just go away on its own will only make the condition worse. Doctors see people who suffer from depression everyday, they will not think that you are going crazy or that you are being pathetic. They can give you the support you need to begin your journey to recovery.
More Information
http://blurtitout.org/
http://www.depressionalliance.org
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression
http://www.webmd.boots.com
http://www.depression-guide.com
http://www.depressionalliance.org
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression
http://www.webmd.boots.com
http://www.depression-guide.com