Advice from Me to You...
1. Its not your fault...
Remember that what you are suffering from is an illness, do not beat yourself up about it. Just like if you had flu, or some other physical illness, things happen and the best thing to do is to deal with it as best you can without feeling bad about why you are the way you are.
2. You are not alone...
Depression will make you feel things that you may have never felt before and this can be frightening. Take heart and remember that there are millions in the world who are feeling the same way that you do, and that you are not alone! Feeling isolated can make the depression feel even worse, so remind yourself that there are people just like you out there.
3. Be kind to yourself...
Why is it that we are often so hard on ourselves, yet with others we can be so caring and patient? Imagine your friend is going through what you are now. How would you treat them? Bet it wouldnt be the same way you sometimes treat yourself! If we see others in pain - we instinctively try and help them or make them feel better. We shower them with our love and care. But when it comes to ourselves - somehow it is often much harder to do. So be kind to yourself! You deserve the TLC you give to others for yourself too! Look after yourself and push yourself to do the things you normally enjoy, even if you really don’t feel like it. Go out with friends, go for a nice walk, read your favourite book, watch your favourite film. Resist the temptation to give up on life and regain the enjoyment you once knew.
4. Get up!
Eat well and try to get as much exercise as you can. Lying in bed all day and hiding from the world may be what you prefer, but although it may feel better at the time, in the long run it will make the depression even worse as it becomes harder to reclaim the life you once knew.
5. Dont give up...
I know the constant pain you feel day in, day out can make you feel like life isn’t worth living and there is no point going on, but remember that depression blinds you to any hope and that your reality and future is still ahead of you no matter what your feelings of despair of telling you.
6. Half empty?...
Depression makes you more prone to seeing the glass half empty rather than half full. It can make you focus on all the negatives things that are bad in your life and distracts you from seeing all the good that is still left in your life. This can cause you to lose perspective and your problems can feel overwhelming and all consuming. Writing a list of all your blessings (including everything most would take for granted like having arms and legs, being able to walk and talk, having a bed to sleep in at night, food to eat everyday etc) and you will begin to see that there is still so much to be thankful for and this will help you rebalance the negative vs. positive scale that has been rocked by depression.
7. Could be worse...
Remember that there are always people who are worse off than you, thinking about people such as those who live in third world countries suffering terrible inhumane conditions doesn’t cure you of your own problems, but again it helps to helps to readdress the imbalance of negative thoughts and helps to put your own issues in a healthier perspective
8. Help Others...
Helping others can help you to help your self! That little tongue twister can go a long way in helping you to rise above your depression which is constantly trying to drag you down. By helping others, we take the focus off ourselves (depression tends to make us become overly introspective and dwell on ourselves and our problems) and helping others helps us to reconnect again with the outside world and to do something purposeful with our lives and time. Helping people can be very rewarding, knowing that what you do is making a difference to someone else’s life can be very worthwhile and help you feel a sense of achievement and self worth. It can also once again help to realign the imbalance and help you to see your own problems in a more positive light and in a clearer perspective.
9. Be Inspired!
Reading inspiring literature such as quotes, religious books, inspiring autobiographies and films etc can also help to uplift the oppression of depression and encourage you to make a positive change in your life like others have despite the trials and tribulation they have faced.
10. Set Goals...
Having goals that you want to achieve can help you to look forward to the future and do the opposite of what depression is trying to do – which is steal all hope and make you feel there is nothing to live for. Write a list of all the things you want to do before you die (and list everything including all the small things that might sound silly) …and then do it! Don’t sit and dream about things…but make it happen! Nothing is impossible, some may be hard work…but nothing is gained without effort and determination. Having goals gives you something to work towards and helps you to take your mind of the depression and enables you to move forward
11. Music for the soul...
Listen to your favourite music! Sounds simple but music is a natural mood booster and can help to momentarily alleviate the oppressive feelings of depression, thus enabling you to have a much needed release and respite from the turmoil that you constantly feel inside.
12. Get it off your Chest...
Writing your thoughts down can also be a helpful release. Instead of keeping everything in your head where thoughts constantly swirl around and around, not making sense, try writing everything you feel and think down on paper. This allows you to see clearly in front of you what is in your head and then you can begin to make more sense of what you are thinking and feeling
13. Help Yourself!
Write yourself an agony aunt letter! Yes I know this sounds a bit crazy…but it actually really helps! Write all your troubles down as you would if you were sending a letter to a real agony aunt and then put yourself in the position of the agony aunt yourself! Read what you have written and pretend it is from someone who you don’t now and has come to you for help. Then write a reply advising the person as best as you can. This can help you to take a step back and distance yourself from your problem. You can then look at it from a unbiased point of view and then give advice that you would to a friend or someone else in need. This helps you to see solutions to the problem that you may otherwise have not thought of as you see the issue from a new and different perspective
14. Be your own therapist!
Alternatively, like above you can write your problems down and then use a technique called ‘internalising the therapist.’ This means you put yourself in position of a person who you trust and whose opinion you value, then you think ‘what would they say/do?’ this helps as it again enables you to think outside of your own ‘box’ and to see your problems from a fresh and new perspective. This can be helpful, as when you go around the same problem over and over again, it can be easy to not be able to see a solution and that is why a different angle can make such a difference
15. Get it off your Chest...
Talking to a close friend, family, counsellor or joining a forum/ talking to a someone on a helpline can be a huge help. understandably it can be very difficult to open up And share how you are feeling, it might make you feel scared, as you may worry that people may judge you, think you are weak or going crazy. But this is not the case, counsellors, helpline advisors and others have heard problems just like yours before and will know how to help you, don’t let depression trick you into feeling like a freak.
16. Take a step back
Sometimes your emotions can take over your mind an cloud your thinking. When this happens it can be very frightening as your mind is telling you one thing, whilst your feelings are racing around telling you another. Often your feelings can be misleading when you are suffering from severe depression…everything can appear colourless, grey and hopeless. You may panic and feel anxious that you will always feel this way and that your life is not worth living if everyday will be like this. The best thing to do in this situation is to remember that depression is an illness and it is distorting the way you think and feel. Take a moment to take a step back and see the condition for what it is and what it is doing to you. Don’t get sucked into the swirl of high emotions and fear. Listen to your logic mind and the reason it is trying to tell you. Listen to your heart and what that is telling you. By doing this you can slowly drown out the deafening emotions and anxious thoughts/feelings that are swimming around inside you.
And Finally....
Dont worry if you have setbacks...
Its okay to sometimes have set backs – recovering from depression can be like a rollercoaster ride – sometimes you can be doing great and other times it may feel like your heading to rock bottom again. But if you are going through a low patch – don’t let that discourage you – remember that it is part of the recovery process. Don’t kick yourself when you are a low point – doing so will only drag you down even more – acknowledge you are going through a bad patch, and just keep reminding yourself that its all part of the ride!
Life is like a Rollercoaster Ride...
This poem is about one of my set backs along the road of recovery...
My depression had returned with a vengeance - and it was out to destroy me
It was stronger and more vicious, than I had ever before experienced it to be
it nearly killed me, I lost so much of what I had once worked so hard to regain I couldn’t believe depression had somehow returned to torment me once again
I didn’t’ have strength to fight, I didn’t think I could be win this time round
It was devastating to lose the peace I searched for - & had finally found
My victory had been short, depression refused to let me win once and for all
It wanted to cripple me, stop me moving forward, trip me up and make me fall
And my enemy had succeeded, I became a lifeless body with no feeling or soul
I lost all direction, all hope, all dreams, I didnt have any purpose or goal
I didn’t’ think I could ever be the strong & happy person that I was before
the depression was destroying me and I didnt know if I could take much more
I felt weak and I didn’t have the strength to battle with my demons yet again
I was so exhausted & couldn’t bear the thought of having to handle more pain
I was ready to give up, there was nothing in my sorry existence worth living for I had already given my all and there just wasn’t any fight left in me any more
But I was not alone...even though I'd given up - God refused to give up on me
He wasnt finished with me yet & He still had hope for who I could finally be
He didn’t take away my pain, make my life easier or magic everything away...
He just asked me to trust in him & have faith everything will be perfectly ok
For no matter what happens, with God, all things works together for our good
Im learning to trust him and believe everything happens just as it should…
although I am not completely healed and my wounds sometimes are still so sore
I know my scars make me a stronger - a better person than I ever was before
I finally understand why God allowed me to go through all the hurt and pain...
...He knew what I had to lose….was nothing compared to what I had to gain
My depression had returned with a vengeance - and it was out to destroy me
It was stronger and more vicious, than I had ever before experienced it to be
it nearly killed me, I lost so much of what I had once worked so hard to regain I couldn’t believe depression had somehow returned to torment me once again
I didn’t’ have strength to fight, I didn’t think I could be win this time round
It was devastating to lose the peace I searched for - & had finally found
My victory had been short, depression refused to let me win once and for all
It wanted to cripple me, stop me moving forward, trip me up and make me fall
And my enemy had succeeded, I became a lifeless body with no feeling or soul
I lost all direction, all hope, all dreams, I didnt have any purpose or goal
I didn’t’ think I could ever be the strong & happy person that I was before
the depression was destroying me and I didnt know if I could take much more
I felt weak and I didn’t have the strength to battle with my demons yet again
I was so exhausted & couldn’t bear the thought of having to handle more pain
I was ready to give up, there was nothing in my sorry existence worth living for I had already given my all and there just wasn’t any fight left in me any more
But I was not alone...even though I'd given up - God refused to give up on me
He wasnt finished with me yet & He still had hope for who I could finally be
He didn’t take away my pain, make my life easier or magic everything away...
He just asked me to trust in him & have faith everything will be perfectly ok
For no matter what happens, with God, all things works together for our good
Im learning to trust him and believe everything happens just as it should…
although I am not completely healed and my wounds sometimes are still so sore
I know my scars make me a stronger - a better person than I ever was before
I finally understand why God allowed me to go through all the hurt and pain...
...He knew what I had to lose….was nothing compared to what I had to gain