Self Harm
Why?
Self harm is often a way of expressing and releasing deep distress. It is often resorted to as a way to desperately release the growing tension, frustration and inner pain that is building up and trapped inside.
When the term ‘self harm’ is used, often many think of people cutting themselves…but in fact, self harm can involve much more than that. Self harm can include people abusing alcohol, drugs, not caring for their well being, being reckless with their safety, taking unnecessary risks, developing eating disorders (such as anorexia or bulimia).
When the term ‘self harm’ is used, often many think of people cutting themselves…but in fact, self harm can involve much more than that. Self harm can include people abusing alcohol, drugs, not caring for their well being, being reckless with their safety, taking unnecessary risks, developing eating disorders (such as anorexia or bulimia).
Personal Stories...
“I thought self harm was about people cutting themselves… I didn’t realise that what I was doing was also a form of self harm…I had no concern for my own safety, I purposely put myself in dangerous situations…took stupid risks… because I didn’t care if I got hurt or not. I was quite happy to never see another day – so looking after myself wasn’t a priority. Something happening to me, ‘accidently on purpose’ was quite a welcoming thought… a way to escape the pain I constantly felt inside.”
(Anonymous)
“Even though I’m not normally a drinker, I kept having strong urges to get drunk and smoke excessively, as a way to numb the pain I felt inside. I thought that by intoxicating myself, I could forget about how horrible and unbearable my life had become. I knew in the long run I would just be making things worse, I didn’t want to become a alcoholic on top of everything else I was already going through, but is just seemed like the welcome release that I so badly wanted – to numb what I felt inside”
(Anonymous)
“I felt useless, worthless and no good. I hated myself and believed I deserved nothing better. Self harm was a way of punishing myself …I vented all my frustration and anger on myself, because I didn’t know what else to do or where else to turn.”
(Anonymous)
(Anonymous)
“Even though I’m not normally a drinker, I kept having strong urges to get drunk and smoke excessively, as a way to numb the pain I felt inside. I thought that by intoxicating myself, I could forget about how horrible and unbearable my life had become. I knew in the long run I would just be making things worse, I didn’t want to become a alcoholic on top of everything else I was already going through, but is just seemed like the welcome release that I so badly wanted – to numb what I felt inside”
(Anonymous)
“I felt useless, worthless and no good. I hated myself and believed I deserved nothing better. Self harm was a way of punishing myself …I vented all my frustration and anger on myself, because I didn’t know what else to do or where else to turn.”
(Anonymous)
Many people who self harm, feel ashamed, afraid, or worried about other people’s reactions, and so they may try to hide what they are doing. Often people who cut themselves, will wear long sleeves (even in summer) to conceal the scars that self cutting leaves.
According to research, the majority of people who self harm are young women., although the number of young men who are affected is on the increase. Self harm can be a one off temporary quick fix solution for some, whereas for others, it can become a on going way of coping with problems that can last weeks, months or even years.
According to research, the majority of people who self harm are young women., although the number of young men who are affected is on the increase. Self harm can be a one off temporary quick fix solution for some, whereas for others, it can become a on going way of coping with problems that can last weeks, months or even years.
Help For People Affected
1. Channel the Feelings
The negative feelings like frustration, anger, despair you feel inside that drive you to self harm can be channelled into helping you achieve something positive instead. Think about what you could use that energy to do… doing something creative like writing a song or poem, painting picture, doing something practical, helping other people…can all be more productive ways of releasing the pent up feelings that are building up inside. The feeling of having achieved something, can in itself help to lift the negative feelings that you are struggling with
2. Pick a punch bag!
Venting your frustration and anger on a boxing bag can be a good way to release the mounting feelings inside. Not only does it allow you to vent without limit (punch as hard as you like and there’s no harm done!) it is also a good form of exercise and can help you lose some pounds at the same time! If you’re lacking motivation, then try sticking a photo of someone you really dislike on the punch bag and punch away! Or why not try writing down or drawing what is frustrating you, stick it to the punch bag – and give it the beating it deserves! (if you can t get a punch bag – a pillow will do!)
3. Release it
One of the things that can drive self harm is the overwhelming urge to release what is building up inside. Holding all the frustrations, anger and negative feelings is not helpful and can lead to devastating results. Find a way to realise the tension…it could be though crying, screaming, punching a pillow – find a way that can help you to let go of the pressure inside – but in a way that is not harmful to yourself or others. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is the body and mind’s natural way to release what is building up inside. Screaming into a pillow is useful, no one can hear you and at the same time you can express what you are feeling inside. When you are in physical pain, screaming is the body’s way of helping to express pain and make it a little more bearable. Imagine having your arm sawn off and not being able to scream? Holding it in only makes the pain even more painful! In the same way, if you are in pain inside – you need to find a way to let it out!
4. You’re worth it!
No I’m not talking about the L’Oreal adverts…although they do have a point! Self esteem and feeling worthwhile is a very important part of controlling the urge to self harm. Low self esteem can lead to reckless and self abusive behaviour, as the person feels worthless about themselves to such an extent that they no longer care what happens to them. Building self esteem can enable the person who is caught in the cycle of self harm to break free, by realising that they are important and special to not only themselves but also their loved ones and those around them. A useful way of building self esteem that you could try is to write a list of all the positive things about yourself…you may think there’s not much, but as you start to make the list, you may well find that there are more good things about you than you realise! If you get stuck - asking friends and family what they like about you can be a big help…often its harder for yourself to see the good things…than it is for everybody else!
5. Express yourself
Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help to release the overwhelming and surmounting feelings that are building up inside. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know, then there are help lines such as The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 where you can speak to someone anonymous in confidentially. However, if talking to someone is not the way for you… then writing your thoughts and feeling down on paper is another way to express yourself and to offload what is going on inside. The process of doing this, can help you feel lighter and gain a clearer perspective on how you are feeling and how to move forward.
6. Change your Habits…Change your life…
Self harm can become a habit - the mind may automatically turn to this action when something stressful happens and so a cycle begins. Habits are hard to break – but not impossible. Next time an urge to self harm comes, actively remind yourself that you will not be a victim of habit and instead replace what you would normally do with something else! This could be anything that you find helpful…maybe going for a brisk walk instead, punching a pillow etc…over time, time the mind will begin to associate stress with a different and more beneficial habit., thus enabling you to break free from the vicious cycle that self harming can become.
7. You are not alone
Joining a support network or talking to other people who self harm can be a very useful. Being part of a group is a reminder that you are not alone and that there is support out there.
8. Look After Yourself
Lifestyle changes like having a healthy diet, exercising and getting plenty of sleep can help to lift mood and help to reduce tension and stress which can lead to self harming
9. Professional Help
Seeking help from a professional can be a big help, counselling, therapy and medication can help you cope with your feelings and to take control of your self harm
Help for family and friends
Discovering that someone you love is self harming can be a distressing experience and may bring out feelings in yourself such as guilt, worry, frustration, and fear.Although you may feel helpless, what you do or don't do can make a lot of difference. Try and be open with your loved one and talk to them about how they feel and also how you feel. Try not to be critical or judgemental. Instead make a effort to try and understand what your loved one is going through. They must be struggling immensely to feel like they need to resort to self harm for relief. Reminding them of how much they mean to you, will help to build up the self worth they are so badly lacking and will help them to see how valuable and special they really are. Compassion and empathy can go along way in supporting and really helping your loved one.Don’t expect a change overnight, as much as you want your loved one to get better, healing – both physical and emotionally will take time and patience.
http://www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk/teens/life/features/celebrity_health/kelly_holmes.html
won double gold at the olympics in athens
“I was self-harming in 2003 because of injuries and not being able to reach my goals. It was the seventh year in a row that I had been injured and even though I had been successful in other games I had this ultimate dream to be Olympic champion. It was a really big stress, and under the pressure I turned to cutting my arms with scissors. This wasn’t right, but at the time it was a way out when I was feeling so low. It was only when I told someone about it that it opened my eyes to what I was doing and I became a lot stronger to deal with it. No matter how successful you are it doesn’t mean you are superhuman and there will always be pressures in life. To be good at something you have to work hard at it. And that’s what I tell the young people I train”
won double gold at the olympics in athens
“I was self-harming in 2003 because of injuries and not being able to reach my goals. It was the seventh year in a row that I had been injured and even though I had been successful in other games I had this ultimate dream to be Olympic champion. It was a really big stress, and under the pressure I turned to cutting my arms with scissors. This wasn’t right, but at the time it was a way out when I was feeling so low. It was only when I told someone about it that it opened my eyes to what I was doing and I became a lot stronger to deal with it. No matter how successful you are it doesn’t mean you are superhuman and there will always be pressures in life. To be good at something you have to work hard at it. And that’s what I tell the young people I train”
More Information
http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/self-harm