Mental Illness and Relationships
Relationships are something that we cannot live without – (but sometimes wish we could!) Although relationships can bring much joy, love and happiness, they can also bring along with them much turmoil, troubles and tribulations. Relationships can be stressful enough at the best of times, but when combined with mental illness – it can become a potential recipe for disaster.
Anxiety disorders such as social phobia, agoraphobia and body dysmorphic disorder can make social interaction extremely difficult. Suffers can feel very anxious and nervous around other people and this may cause problems with both maintaining existing relationships as well as building new ones. Mental illnesses such as depression can cause sufferers to avoid social interaction as their low moods may make them feel anti-social and reclusive.
Any metal illness can have a significant effect on relationships, and this page will look at ways in which relationships can survive and ‘thrive’ through mental illness.
My Story
As a person struggling with anxiety disorders and depression, I have seen first hand, how metal illness can have the potential to destroy relationships. My anxiety disorder and depression often made me feel paranoid and insecure, and I found myself seeking constant reassurance form those around me to feel secure. The constant need for reassurance was both draining on myself and those around me, but I couldn’t seem to snap out of the cycle. My constantly changing mood swings didn’t help matters either, and those around me struggled to keep up with my ever alternating temperament.
My depression and low moods made me become a recluse and I avoided going out. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay in bed, with the covers over my head to block out the world around me. When loved ones did finally manage to drag me out, it would feel like I was still in my own world, my body was physically present with them, but my mind was elsewhere and I just couldn’t snap out of it, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like my low mood was dragging everyone down and spoiling their fun, and the guilt ate away at me, making me feel even more like hiding away and avoiding everyone and everything.
On top of that, my anxiety disorder made me feel horribly self conscious and nervous around everyone – including my closest friends and family which was absolutely awful. It felt like all my relationships were falling apart in front of my very eyes and no matter much I wanted it to stop, I felt powerless to control it from wrecking havoc on my life. Things got so bad at one point that I developed social phobia and agoraphobia, and I would cocoon myself in my room, refusing to go out, unless it was to get my prescriptions or to get food. I could not believe how badly my life had been affected by mental illness. I barely recognised myself or the life I now lived. Where was the happy, friendly ‘go luck’ person that I once was? Everyone around me felt like they had lost me – and I felt like I had lost myself too. I became frustrated with myself and found myself lashing out at those closest to me, and pushing them away, even though I didn’t mean to. I felt guilty for hurting them…but couldn’t seem to stop. Some friends and family couldn’t understand, became frustrated and distanced themselves away from me. It was heartbreaking to see people who I thought I could lean on, walk away when I needed them the most. I guess it’s only through the hard times, when you find out who your real friends are. Thankfully, I have some loyal and patient friends and family who stood by my side and didn’t give up on me or walk away (you know who you are – thank you so much). Their patience and love helped me through the very hard times, and I’m so grateful that they walked with me through my journey to recovery.
Today, my metal illnesses still affect my life and my relationships – but no to the degree it used to. Now, after many years of working through my issues, I can better deal with my illness and as a result my relationships have also improved. On this page, I would like to share with you all a few things that have helped me.. and that I hope may help you too…
My depression and low moods made me become a recluse and I avoided going out. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and stay in bed, with the covers over my head to block out the world around me. When loved ones did finally manage to drag me out, it would feel like I was still in my own world, my body was physically present with them, but my mind was elsewhere and I just couldn’t snap out of it, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like my low mood was dragging everyone down and spoiling their fun, and the guilt ate away at me, making me feel even more like hiding away and avoiding everyone and everything.
On top of that, my anxiety disorder made me feel horribly self conscious and nervous around everyone – including my closest friends and family which was absolutely awful. It felt like all my relationships were falling apart in front of my very eyes and no matter much I wanted it to stop, I felt powerless to control it from wrecking havoc on my life. Things got so bad at one point that I developed social phobia and agoraphobia, and I would cocoon myself in my room, refusing to go out, unless it was to get my prescriptions or to get food. I could not believe how badly my life had been affected by mental illness. I barely recognised myself or the life I now lived. Where was the happy, friendly ‘go luck’ person that I once was? Everyone around me felt like they had lost me – and I felt like I had lost myself too. I became frustrated with myself and found myself lashing out at those closest to me, and pushing them away, even though I didn’t mean to. I felt guilty for hurting them…but couldn’t seem to stop. Some friends and family couldn’t understand, became frustrated and distanced themselves away from me. It was heartbreaking to see people who I thought I could lean on, walk away when I needed them the most. I guess it’s only through the hard times, when you find out who your real friends are. Thankfully, I have some loyal and patient friends and family who stood by my side and didn’t give up on me or walk away (you know who you are – thank you so much). Their patience and love helped me through the very hard times, and I’m so grateful that they walked with me through my journey to recovery.
Today, my metal illnesses still affect my life and my relationships – but no to the degree it used to. Now, after many years of working through my issues, I can better deal with my illness and as a result my relationships have also improved. On this page, I would like to share with you all a few things that have helped me.. and that I hope may help you too…
Be honest and open.
Don’t bottle things up inside or pretend everything is ok if its not. You may feel like to you are protecting those around you by keeping your troubles to yourself, but you are only doing more harm to yourself and risking distancing yourself from family and friends who want nothing more than to try and help. This doesn’t mean that you have to divulge your life story to them, but you can choose to tell then however much you feel comfortable with. If you need to get things off your chest, then a good rant and rave may be a good idea, alternatively, if you prefer not to ‘wear you heart on your sleeve’ then just a simple, ‘I’m not feeling too well’ or ‘my (insert your mental illness here…) is playing up today’ will be enough to make those around you aware of how you are feeling and enable you not to have to pretend everything is ok. Personally, when I’m having a bad depression/anxiety/PMDD day, I find it helpful to just tell my partner that my depression/anxiety/PMDD is playing up and then that way, he is aware of my mental state and is more understanding, patient and supportive. It’s also helpful as I don’t feel like I have to put on a happy face, or pretend to be jolly, when I’m not. It also helps me not to feel so alone. Even though my partner doesn’t have a mental illness and has never experienced what it feels like to suffer from one, he can understand for me and support me – knowing that someone loves and accepts me for who I am (mental illness, annoying habits, ‘warts and all’) is an amazing feeling and that encourages me to keep going and not let my metal illnesses destroy my life or my relationships.
Don’t bottle things up inside or pretend everything is ok if its not. You may feel like to you are protecting those around you by keeping your troubles to yourself, but you are only doing more harm to yourself and risking distancing yourself from family and friends who want nothing more than to try and help. This doesn’t mean that you have to divulge your life story to them, but you can choose to tell then however much you feel comfortable with. If you need to get things off your chest, then a good rant and rave may be a good idea, alternatively, if you prefer not to ‘wear you heart on your sleeve’ then just a simple, ‘I’m not feeling too well’ or ‘my (insert your mental illness here…) is playing up today’ will be enough to make those around you aware of how you are feeling and enable you not to have to pretend everything is ok. Personally, when I’m having a bad depression/anxiety/PMDD day, I find it helpful to just tell my partner that my depression/anxiety/PMDD is playing up and then that way, he is aware of my mental state and is more understanding, patient and supportive. It’s also helpful as I don’t feel like I have to put on a happy face, or pretend to be jolly, when I’m not. It also helps me not to feel so alone. Even though my partner doesn’t have a mental illness and has never experienced what it feels like to suffer from one, he can understand for me and support me – knowing that someone loves and accepts me for who I am (mental illness, annoying habits, ‘warts and all’) is an amazing feeling and that encourages me to keep going and not let my metal illnesses destroy my life or my relationships.